FOOD.*

*(Some restrictions may apply.  See Martha for details.  Then come tell me WTF THIS BULLSHIT IS.)
 
Orange-Almond Cake
  No pictures here, friends.  Only darkness.  My family isn't really into those "creamy-meamy" cakes, so I usually have to use boring recipes like this.  Alright, so what did I screw up this time, let's see... so, I may have doubled the sugar in the cake. C'mon, though! I saw "2 cups" in the ingredients, and then I breezed through the recipe and saw it said "mix in 1 cup sugar while mixing in the eggs" or whatever so I figured, oh, ok, they're just saying alternate between the sugar and the eggs.  So I put in a cup of sugar, 3 eggs, another cup of sugar, and 3 more eggs.

Then, I looked at how long this recipe takes, and thought, damn, that takes a long time.  So I put my oranges in the water, put a lid over them at a slight angle, and figured sweet, I don't have to do anything with these for another 2 hours, I'm going to do my brows and watch Seinfeld.  So, after an hour and a half, I thought hmmm, maybe I should check on the oranges, just in case.  I lifted the lid off the pot and... the water was gone! Where did it go?! The good thing about cooking with mom around the house is that I can just say, "aagh! fix it!" and she takes them off the stove and chops off the small sections of burnt peels and says, "See, your oranges are fine. No worries. You just screwed up my pot. Thanks for that." The pot was fine in the end, though.  So yeah, I made the house temporarily smell of the gag-inducing scent of burning orange peel and actually almost burned the whole thing down and all to make a boring cake, but look on the bright side: I didn't have to use the food processor for the oranges because they had turned super soft inside anyway, so at least, AT LEAST, my cake was saved, right?

Wrong.  The recipe either doesn't use enough flour or uses too many eggs. 

Conclusion:
 I'm never ever making this cake again.  Fucking Martha.  I admit, I messed up a couple things here and there, but come on... 6 eggs?  Really??  Are we making an omelette?? And boiled oranges and almond flour?  Hell, why stop there, might as well toss in some cheese and vegetables and call it Nutraloaf.  I'm sure Martha has some great recipes for that.

Umm.... yeah.  No bon appetit >:(